The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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