im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
there is puke in my bra ... again
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
