You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
In America we eat man semen.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
