Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Actions speak louder than pants.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
