"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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