I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
