and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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