OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
