Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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