I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
