we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
