it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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