I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's gonorrhea incarnate
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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