ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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