You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There r osticjed everywhere
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
