Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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