I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
