No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
