omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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