i'm lost and i look like a hooker
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
