he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
