I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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