Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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