i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
