She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
