Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
