So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
