I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
