i just had sex bonerless
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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