happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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