I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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