He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
