i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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