My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
