scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
