how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
