so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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