Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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