Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
