Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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