Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
