what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
