I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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