I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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