My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
