i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
