The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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