they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
