you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
