she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
