hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
