Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
