I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
...so i touched it.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
