I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
