And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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