It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
