wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
