I'll bet she douches with gravy.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
