if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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