U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
