I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
