I wish my penis had an off switch
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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