I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
