Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
