I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
