FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
