bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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