i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
