Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
