This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
