i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
