He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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