I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
