Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
