Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
