We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
