I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
