you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
