There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
